Couples Therapy
"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it."
- Anais Nin -
A reformation is the process of creating change for the better. In practice, I bring expansive love into the often turbulent realm of relationships.
I believe that we are not meant to stay the same- we are supposed to keep changing. But this growth can be painful when you share a life with someone. When we aren't the same person that they married, when we're terrified of change, or when there is a dream of more.
The central question within our work is:
"How do we reform our relationship to come alive as our best selves?"
The real work of relationship therapy is in repairing something invisible, intangible, and unsaid.
Lucky for you, I can see the invisible, feel the intangible, and hear the unsaid! Working on a relationship is as raw as it gets- there are no two ways about it. You are trying to say what you feel and not hurt their feelings, get your point across and not sound like a complete jerk! They aren’t hearing you at all, and they aren’t making sense to you. Add to it the fact that you’ve probably had this argument dozens of times before. You need a neutral third party!
I take great care in learning who you are as a person and who you are as a partner.
Those can be different roles, and often in our painful relationships- they are. I know that it is harder to be authentic and vulnerable in a couples session when your partner is present - your guard will naturally stay up. But couples therapy is unproductive if I believe only the mask you present in sessions. I know there is more. More to you, more to your partner, more to this argument, more to this relationship, more. We won’t oversimplify or make light, we will look at hard things with courage and compassion.
Couples therapy is part informational, part experimental, and part restorative.
With the informational piece we look at the WHY of your current problems. Sometimes this will mean looking at your history- the events and stories that have carried you here. Other times, we’ll gather best practices from the research, learn models and scripts for relating, and view data points that explain behavior patterns.
In the experimental phase we answer the question HOW do we do better? Here, you’ll try new ways of engaging, speak differently, and possibly share new truths for the first time.
The restorative component comes not through a “fixed relationship” but through a rebalanced sense of self as a partners who can confidently show up with respectful clear boundaries and expectations. Two people who feel heard and valued on their own make a much happier relationship! Together our work turns toward examining WHERE do we go next?